I have always enjoyed therapy with couples. It is stimulating Jordan Lukaku Maillot , interactive work and can create dramatic change quickly. By strengthening a couples communication pattern, you not only help them to improve their relationship, but help them to learn more about themselves and what drives their behavior. And as with individual therapy, if the clients are motivated to change, they will. But after years of doing the work, I still marvel at the difficulty of creating lasting change when dealing with a co-dependent relationship based on negative attachment issues.

Because I work a lot with Abuse and Trauma Survivors, many couples who come to see me have that in one or both of their backgrounds. Childhood abuse can create long-term trauma and attachment issues, even personality disorders.


And people are oftentimes attracted to others whose ability to attach and interactional style are complementary.


For example, it is quite common for adults from alcoholic families to become attracted to other adult children of alcoholics Nacer Chadli Maillot , even if neither of them is an alcoholic. They are attracted not just because they have similar backgrounds, but also because their communication style and ability to be intimate is probably similar. They both are used to living with people who had secrets and who were likely to be passive aggressive in their communication styles. They may be used to care taking, and to boundaries that were breached, especially when a parent was abusing substances. They may also have been traumatized by physical andor sexual abuse. When two people are drawn to each other, they dont have to know all the details of their respective backgrounds to feel a kinship. By the time they come into therapy they know each others vulnerabilities and how to push each others buttons, but they may not be equally prepared to change the interactional pattern they have established between them.


A while back, I worked with a couple* who had both experienced abuse in their childhoods. They had been together for 9 years, married 4 of them. He was the one who called and wanted couples therapy, claiming that their relationship was unhealthy. He said he was angry a lot because she was cold and he didnt feel taken care of or loved by her. He thought that her abusive background had damaged her sexuality and her ability to love. And that made him scared to bring children into the mix – something she was pushing for.


When I met with them the first time Luis Pedro Cavanda Maillot , she seemed emotionless and impervious to his complaints, but willing to go along with his wishes to be in therapy. But as the weeks went by, it became evident that she was the one doing all the work to change, while he used a debaters skill and keen intellect to keep her on the defensive. She wasnt nurturing and attentive enough. She wasnt social enough. She wasnt professionally ambitious, but she also worked too much. What I recognized was that she was actually a pleaser, but also passive aggressive. That combination of traits is not uncommon. The pleaser is usually stuffing their own feelings, so their resentment builds and manifests in other ways. While he could be insightful, he didnt seem to notice all the attempts she made. More importantly, he didnt seem to believe that he needed to change as well. When I tried to bring that up Laurent Depoitre Maillot , he seemed wounded and implied that we were ganging up on him.


I asked each of them to come in for an individual session. I sometimes do this with couples when I feel that one or both are withholding in the room. He encouraged her to come in first. Now, alone with me, she proceeded to point out everything that I had been noticing. Additionally, she was aware that she was jumping through hoops, but it didnt seem to matter. She talked about his insecurities and dark moods and how he took everything out on her. Clearly frustrated, she said, Im still very physically attracted to him, and we do have an active sex life, but how can I be warm and tender when I am constantly being put down?


I asked if she could imagine standing up for herself in the relationship. Could she help him understand that she wasnt responsible for making him feel better about himself? The look of recognition on her face seemed to confirm that she could. When the session was over Thomas Meunier Maillot , she grabbed my hand and thanked me.


I later mused about how common it was for one partner to come in seeking change, identifying the other as the problem, only to discover how much more complicated the situation was and how both parties were responsible for the friction between them.


A few days later I received an anxious call from her. She said an opportunity had presented itself, and in the gentlest manner possible, she pointed out how he sometimes took his frustrations out on her rather than on the people or situations they should be directed at. He went ballistic and walked out. You know, he doesnt want to hear that anything is wrong with him. I suggested that she give him some time to think about what she said. He wasnt used to being confronted, it may have been difficult to take in.


There was a long silence and then she stated emphatically, No I am going to apologize and try harder. He needs to feel more loved by me. But isnt that what you have been doing all along? How is it going to be any different this time? Her reply, Well Radja Nainggolan Maillot , weve managed to remain together this long, so I guess I know how to make it work.


Clients make their own choices – rightly so. And only they know what they are ready to do. These clients were both intelligent and insightful. But change is hard. And sometimes things do get worse before they get better. So it may seem easier to fall back into what is familiar, whether or not it is truly satisfying.

oakley sunglasses cheap, michael kors, supra women shoes, adidas, nike, huarache, levis outlet, nike shoes, mcm handbags, abercrombie.com, oakley store, mcm bags, polo ralph lauren outlet online, swarovski, nfl dolphins jerseys, coach bags outlet, converse sneakers, nike, toms outlet, oakley sunglasses, nfl lions jerseys, cheap oakley sunglasses, tiffany, coach outlet store online, nike free, tiffany jewelry, air max 2015, [/b], rayban, oakley pas cher, toms shoes outlet, nike free trainer 5.0, michael kors, converse, nike mercurial, abercrombie and fitch kids, salvatore ferragamo, minnesota timberwolves jerseys, huaraches, nfl patriots jerseys, nfl bears jerseys, phoenix suns jerseys, nfl cowboys jerseys, coach purses outlet, vans, hermes birkin, new orleans pelicans jerseys, gucci shoes, mcm bags, prada handbags, ray ban, nike roche, miami heat jersey, coach outlet, air jordan retro, gucci mens shoes, bottega, moncler outlet, cheap ray ban, ugg boots clearance, ralph lauren, polo outlet online, polo ralph, air max, coach outlet online, michaelkors.com, air jordan, air jordan shoes, true religion jeans women, gucci shoes uk, coach factory outlet, nba jersey, abercrombie fitch, cheap barbour jackets, ray ban outlet, converse, nike roshe run, tiffany, uggs on sale, pandora jewellery australia, nike roshe run, jordan retro 11, nike running shoes, nike free, tn requin pas cher, detroit pistons jersey, atl jerseys, chi flat iron, coach factory outlet, michael kors canada, tory burch, oakley holbrook, nike uk, iphone 5s cases, north face canada, toms.com, celtics jerseys, converse outlet, juicy couture handbags, beats headphones, bcbg max azria, adidas online shop, canada gooses, air max 90, adidas online shop, oakley, burberry outlet online, ralph lauren, nfl browns jerseys, long champ, eyeglasses frames, beats by dre headphones, oakley outlet online, hollister, clippers jerseys, michael kors bags, asics gel, prada outlet, free running, northface, michael kors handbags, cheap oakley, nike roshe run, wedding dresses uk, uggs outlet, oakley standard issue, swarovski canada, nfl saints jerseys, nuggets jersey, pandora charms, portland trail blazers jerseys, swarovski crystal, michael kors outlet store, ferragamo shoes, spurs jerseys, hilfiger outlet, michael kors bags, new balance store, nike id, jerseys from china, thunder jerseys, michael kors outlet online sale, nfl giants jerseys, cheap eyeglasses, michael kors outlet, hogan, ray ban sunglasses outlet, burberry outlet, hollister co, rolex replica, mavericks jerseys, ray ban uk, swarovski jewelry, nfl bills jerseys, supra shoes, giuseppe zanotti, hollister clothing store, easton bats, long champ, coach factory online, true religion outlet, roshe, marc jacobs handbags, yoga pants, nike outlet, sacramento kings jerseys, swarovski crystal, cle Jerseys, nfl colts jerseys, ray-ban sunglasses, chanel, north face outlet, michael kors outlet, instyler, nfl redskins jerseys, adidas, mizuno, , nike soccer shoes, barbour jackets outlet, ralph lauren uk, nike store, hollister online shop, air max pas cher, north face, uggs, tommy hilfiger outlet stores, rolex watches, ghd hair straighterners outlet, nfl bengals jerseys, reebok, ray-ban sunglasses, lululemon, basketball shoes, uhren shop, moncler jackets outlet, tommy hilfiger outlet, orlando magic jerseys, ray ban, [b], prada sunglasses, gucci outlet, michael kors outlet online sale, adidas zx, nfl rams jerseys, uggs canada, flat iron, the north face, huarache, cheap jordans, omega watches, nike air max 90, ralph lauren outlet online, coach bags friday, air max 95, memphis grizzlies jerseys, the north face outlet, nfl steelers jerseys, ralph lauren factory store, maccosmetics.com, montblanc, tory burch handbags, ugg boots, louboutin shoes, ugg australia, north face, hermes belt, nfl packers jerseys, wholesale handbags, ralph lauren, toronto raptors jerseys, doudoune north face, nfl chiefs jerseys, burberry outlet online, asics, valentino shoes, pandora jewelry, air force, ralph lauren outlet online, polo ralph, huaraches, jimmy choo outlet, wholesale handbags, timberland boots, omega watches, polo ralph lauren outlet, mcm backpack outlet, timberland outlet, abercrombie kids, purses and handbags, ugg australia, longchamp, gucci handbags, burberry, nfl vikings jerseys, coach factory outlet online, mcm bags, christian louboutin, michael kors outlet online, replica watches, chanel outlet, ralph lauren outlet, burberry handbags, polo ralph lauren, designer handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet, hollister clothing, nike air max, gucci shoes outlet, burberry handbags, adidas shoes, north face backpacks, iphone 4s cases, salomon, burberry outlet, celine outlet, timberland shoes, polo ralph lauren, nfl ravens jerseys, gucci belts, boutique clothing, toms shoes outlet, jordans, michael kors handbags, timberland pas cher, tory burch sale, new york knicks jersey, burberry sale, abercrombie, coach outlet store, ralph lauren polo, toms.com, uggs, michael kors, burberry handbags, pandora bracelet, toms shoes, burberry outlet online, ray ban pas cher, michael kors outlet online sale, longchamp, oakley vault, michael kors uhren, oakley outlet, lulu lemon, nfl broncos jerseys, coach factory outlet, oakley, ray ban sunglasses, ray ban wayfarer, christian louboutin, new balance, kate spade handbags, ugg boots, bcbg max, oakley sunglasses, insanity schedule, hermes birkin bag, oakley, washington wizards jerseys, ray ban prezzi, monster headphones, marc jacobs handbags, milwaukee bucks jerseys, nfl jets jerseys, prada shoes, wedding dress, lululemon, nfl seahawks jerseys, longchamp, toms shoes outlet, new balance, new balance, ralph lauren uk, utah jazz jerseys, hornets jersey, ray bans, michael kors purses, hogan sito ufficiale, true religion jeans outlet, beats by dr dre, thomas sabo, ralph lauren outlet, cheap ray ban, nike roshe run, air max, nike outlet, uggs on sale, tiffany canada, thomas sabo, lakers jersey, nfl panthers jerseys, kate spade bags, cheap michael kors, michael kors bags, nike factory outlet, soccer shoes outlet, golden state warriors, burberry outlet online, nfl falcons jerseys, gooses, nike, omega, nfl texans jerseys, juicy couture clothings, coach outlet online, ugg, nfl eagles jerseys, michael kors, cheap coach purses, calvin klein outlet, prada, louboutin shoes, coach outlet, north face backpacks, ugg australia, nike air, michael kors, michael kors outlet online sale, oakley, lululemon, nfl jaguars jerseys, nfl chargers jerseys, north face jackets, mcm backpack, coach outlet, burberry outlet online, hollister kids, chanel purses, tommy hilfiger online, montre femme, oakley sunglasses cheap, bulls jersey, chanel sunglasses, pumas, tommy hilfiger, nfl jerseys, tiffany jewelry, bride dresses, nike shoes, kate spade outlet, nike air max, abercrombie and fitch, nfl azcardinals jerseys, easton bats, wedding dress, nike factory, nike air max, p90x3, cheap true religion, jimmy choo, babyliss flat iron, horloges, gucci, ray ban outlet, ferragamo, burberry handbags, pandora charms, ugg australia, pandora, rockets jerseys, nfl jerseys, 76ers jerseys, vans, coach factory, shoes outlet, coach outlet store, puma online shop, burberry, nfl titans jerseys, giuseppe zanotti sneakers, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp handbags, ed hardy, louboutin shoes, louboutin shoes, nfl buccaneers jerseys, air max, uggs, tommy hilfiger online shop, ray ban pas cher, nfl 49ers jerseys, jordan retro, rolex watch, ghd, ray ban, michael kors outlet online sale, dre headphones, air max, nike shoes, swarovski online shop, michaelkors.com, tiffany and co, baseball jerseys, michael kors outlet, Nike Outlet, kate spade handbags, air max thea, oakley sunglasses outlet, tory burch sale, red bottom shoes, new balance shoes, adidas.nl, omega watches, nfl raiders jerseys, michael kors outlet online, toms outlet, brooklyn nets, longchamp outlet, rolex watches, ray bans, woolrich outlet, vans shoes, tommy hilfiger canada, mac makeup, veneta, michael kors outlet online sale, air max shoes, indiana pacers jerseys